In Which Our Author Wants to Be Something Else

The topic of this next post is "someone/something you've always wanted to be." If I were in a different mood, I might wax self-deprecating here and say something like, "I wish I were someone who wasn't worthless" or "I wish I weren't the worst person I know" but that's really not true, and I am much too slap-happy to pretend that it is. So I'm going to say I wish I were . . . . an Oscar Meyer Weiner? Because then. . . everyone would be . . . in love. . . with me. . .?