In Which Our Author Is a Dog Named Jake

Hi Internet I'm Jake and I'm very happy you're here but it's gonna take me a while to get up because my bones hurt but don't worry it's not a big deal I'm still really happy to see you and you should touch me and if you're not gonna touch me then I'm gonna touch you okay here I come I'm up now walking to you and I'm down on the ground again but this time on top of your feet so you can't move wait you're moving come baaaaack. Okay this is nicer now I'm sitting with my head in your lap and my full body weight on your legs so you can't move this time and I'm gonna tell you about this guy named Joey he's good he used to be better but then he stopped being so good because he got old but probably not old like me we used to play games I really like to jump and he would watch me jump and it made him happy so it made me happy and I would take my toys and run around and he would try to take them and sometimes he'd get them and throw them and he wasn't very good at getting them because he used his hands and not his mouth but that's why it was fun. Then when we were inside we'd play hide-and-seek and Mikey would cover my eyes and Joey would go hide or the other way around and then I would go find them and I always found them even though they tried different hiding spots and then I would lick them because I won but also because I love them. Also I would wake him up in the morning when Mom would tell me to and sometimes that made him mad and I got confused but other times he thought it was funny and he'd pet me did I mention I like being pet because you stopped petting me a while ago and that's not totally cool with me so if you could start again that would be great and I won't resort to drastic measures like putting my paw in your lap and then flexing my nails. Okay good we can begin again. So Joey got older and then he left but he still comes back sometimes and he pets me for a while and we catch up but I don't really care he feeds me and takes me outside when I ask him to so that's nice and he pets me and I like that this is a not so subtle hint because you aren't petting me with the same speed and intensity that you were before. Okay that's better. Sometimes he still plays with me and that's really fun but we both get tired and stop. In conclusion he's great but not present and sometimes I forget about things that aren't here. Where do you think you are going I'm not moving.