So over the recent spring break, I took a trip to visit my friend Liz in New York, New York, USA. Along for the ride (and by "along for the ride" I mean "paying for my plane ticket") was my other friend Melissa. Melissa and I arrived in the Big Apple on Saturday afternoon, and we and Liz left for the tri-town on Thursday afternoon. It was six days of fun and adventure that I will never forget (realistically barring brain trauma or Alzheimer's disease). I've finally decided, entirely on my own and completely without coercion bordering on death threats from Liz, that now would be a good time to blog the vacation.
Day the first:
Melissa and I got to the airport with plenty of time to spare before our 8am flight from O'Hare to LaGuardia. We were also, somewhat disappointingly, able to avoid security mixups. I was looking forward to exciting stories about corrupt federal agents, dangerous and sexy terrorisms, and my ruggedly manly but also sensitive and witty heroics. Okay, that's 90% lie. I did think a misunderstanding with security would have led to a mildly funny story, but the other stuff would have just scared me poop-less. Luckily, the plane ride was uneventful. I slept more or less the whole way there. The taxi ride to Liz's was similarly uneventful. There was a cool interactive screen in the seat with weather and maps and news and Regis Philbin, but it mostly just made me sick (from the motion, not from Mr. Philbin). It was during the taxi ride, though, that I came up with my catchphrase for the week, "That's so N.Y." It's meant to describe everything from the Statue of Liberty to hobos peeing on the subway to loud exclamations of "I'm walkin' heah!" I vowed to use it as often and as inappropriately as I could.
We got to Liz's dorm sometime after noon. We were starving as neither of us had eaten breakfast, and driving through Chinatown (So N.Y.!) at lunchtime with the windows down did not improve matters, gastrointestinally speaking. Luckily Liz was ready for us, and after a quick tour of her dorm, which is spacious and comfortable, she took us to one of her favorite restaurants, a Ukranian diner called Veselka's. According to her, it was featured in a scene from "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist." According to me, it was featured in "My Stomach" and was critically acclaimed. I had assorted pierogi, and they were all transcendent. Specifically, in order of increasing tastiness, they were: cheese-and-spinach, meat, cheese, and potato. Here's a picture of me snarfing pierogi
After lunch/dinner, we walked around the city for a bit and found some surreally terrifying window displays.
It's a horror store. They sell unrelenting horror.
Where is my God now?
Those of you who know me well will recognize why the last picture is particularly horrible. I'll have to write a future blog about my crippling fear of rabbits. For now, it's enough to know that I hate them, and I wanted to find the person that crafted that monstrosity and the person that decided to put it up a month before Easter and mug them both.
We eventually made our way to Magnolia's Bakery, featured in the famous SNL video Lazy Sunday. This made it, in my opinion, "so N.Y.," and I loudly exclaimed this to everyone in listening distance. We waited in line and took phunny photos for about ten minutes before we were allowed into the mythical recesses of cupcaking magic.
To be honest, I don't really care for cupcakes, and Magnolia's were no exception. So I guess if you like mass-produced cupcakes, standing in line, and novelty internet videos, then Magnolia's is the place for you. Otherwise, it's highly skippable.
After the cupcake catastrophe (exaggerated for the sake of alliteration), we took a nap in Liz's room. Taking naps became a theme of the vacation as we realized that our old bones simply couldn't handle excitement like they used to. After our nap, Melissa got a call from her friend Kelsey, a New York native who studies theatre in Indiana. Poor life choices aside, Kelsey was very friendly and invited us to attend one of her parents' swinging parties. I should clarify. When I say"swinging" I mean that the party was hip and happening, not that it had anything to do with exchanging sexual partners. We would not have gone to that type of party. In any case, before we left, we met up with Liz's friend Jenna, who was also charming and friendly. She came to the party with us, and the five of us had loads of fun. This is, from left to right, Kelsey, me, Liz, and Jenna.
After leaving the party, we hung out in Union Square for a bit and played with this spinning statue:
After a man on the street told us to "put our backs into it," we quickly left Union Square. We exchanged Kelsey for Alex, another of Liz's friends, one who happens to own most of NYU (and at least one part of Purdue. His name is Loeb), and we made our way to Liz's dorm. Alex didn't stay long (he was kind of a dwonk), and we went to sleep soon after we got back, though not before Liz and I made a questionably advised video greeting to post on our friend Megan's facebook wall. This would become another theme of the vacation, and the videos became longer, more elaborate, and more ill-advised as the week went on.
Anyways, that was Day One. There are still four more to go, plus my Final Thought, so this will keep me in blogging material for at least a little while. Maybe I'll try and squeeze more than one day into the next post, so I'm not blogging a month after the fact. That's not Staircase Wit, that's Years Later When Everyone But You Has Forgotten About The Thing Wit.
Until next time, Internet, I'm your author, Joe. Next time I guess I'll have to be someone else.
